7 months. Where do I even begin? 7 months of intense chemotherapy, surgeries, radiation, hair loss, nausea, pain, meltdowns. It’s been one hell of a 7 months, and it’s so crazy to think that cancer took up the better part of my year. Over the weekend, I was working a conference in Palm Beach. I was sitting with my manager and two coworkers when my doctor called me to tell me that he had good news and that I was in remission. Although having cancer was honestly in a twisted way, one of the best things to ever happen to me, After that call…I felt like I was just let out of prison. The hell is over, for now.
So after the conference, we all went out and celebrated. Maybe a bit too hard..hehehe. I woke up Saturday morning with a bad hangover, but I felt better than I’ve ever felt in my entire life, because I was SO sick before. I couldn’t even complain about my hangover because a. I did it to myself and b. I was just so happy to be alive and for once, healthy. Something I will never, ever, ever take for granted again in my entire life.
Cancer changes you. I’m not the same person I was 7 months ago. I can’t even recognize that person now, because I don’t even know who she is. One very weird thing that happens when you are told you are in remission and released from your cancer sentence, is realizing that you don’t just pick up where you left off. Everything changes. Everything is different. You are different. The same people that you would have been talking to in January may not be around. People you were dating may miraculously have new boyfriends or girlfriends. You will probably laugh too, because your dating criteria will dramatically change. The people I dated before cancer, I would never, ever, ever date now. The world doesn’t stop for cancer. Your clients at work may not even recognize you. And it’s really hard to explain to them where you have been for the last 7 months, because they probably won’t get it.
But one thing is true when you’re told you are in remission. I can’t really explain how it feels, but you just wake up feeling grateful, feeling happy, crying, but a good type of crying. A sense of relief, and also a sense of being care free, and enjoying living in the moment. I came home to an infestation of bees on my balcony today, and I literally didn’t even care. (Don’t worry, I called an exterminator!) but, it didn’t phase me. The old me would have freaked the eff out! You just learn to take everything lightly, and know that it could always be so much worse.
So, for all of you that are reading this who are still fighting, don’t worry, the end is near. If you’ve just begun treatment, the beginning will suck, but I promise you it will fly be. You may not realize it now, but this shitty disease is going to change your life for the better. I promise you. You will become a better, stronger person, and you will be happier than you’ve ever been in your entire life. This, I can promise you.
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