15 Jul, 16

Things to stop giving an eff about




Chemo thoughts, cancer thoughts, crazy chemo brain. You have so many realizations while going through such a traumatic event in your life. This trauma eventually brings you clarity, and believe me, I’ve never thought or seen so clearly in my entire life. Pretty crazy that it takes some people to be on the verge of life or death, to think clearly, huh? Me being one of them, whoops!

So, in my opinion, this is what you should stop giving an eff about, coming from a cancer patient.


What other people think about you quite frankly, at the end of the day, doesn’t matter. And quite frankly, what they think of you is probably none of your business anyways. The things that people think about you, usually don’t even have anything to do with you. I’ve noticed throughout this journey, that it’s more of a reflection of what that person thinks about THEMSELVES, rather than what they actually think about you. Insecurity speaks very loudly.


It’s great to plan your future, but remember, we choose some of our battles, and some of our battles choose us. You never know what tomorrow may bring. Stop obsessing over your next move. There is no better time than the present, live in the now. Living for the future causes extreme, unnecessary anxiety. Just live your damn life while you can!


I’m not going to lie, I’m a huge social media junkie. I’ve always been extremely private, in my previous non-cancer life, you wouldn’t ever know what I was doing or who I was dating on social media. But social media within the cancer world has introduced me to so many amazing people fighting the same fight as me, so I’m all about social media now, and connecting with other cancer patients and survivors. It helps you know that you’re not alone. But ..social media is also the devil. Don’t be one of those people who’s posting pointless selfies, ass shots, boob shots, etc, for attention. You’re not going to be attracting the right attention by portraying yourself in that manner. Live in the moment, and stop pretending how glamorous your life is, when you’re really living pay check to pay check. Nobody cares! BE REAL. BE YOU. Stop obsessing over how many “likes” your photo gets, or how many followers you have. People can spot fakes on social media right away, they’re usually the ones bragging about how amazing their boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/lives are. Just saying, get over it. Use social media for GOOD, the majority of the world can see past your perfectly painted portrayal of life via Instagram. News flash..people who live happy, luxurious lives, aren’t flaunting it on social media.


There will always be one uppers in this world. You know, your career is taking off, you’re starting new hobbies, and you have a lot of cool things going on. We all have that one friend, who no matter what, will always try to one up you. Again, that’s more about them and their insecurities and lack of self, than you. Support your friends! After all, don’t you want all winners in your circle? At least I definitely do.


Stop giving an eff about them! If someone isn’t contributing to your life in a positive way, why even have them in your circle? I’ve cut a lot of people off since I was diagnosed, and I’ve become a much better person for it. Real situations expose REAL friends. Always know that.


Learn to let things go! So, you got in a dumb argument with someone 5 years ago. A lot can change in five years. Let it go. Things change, people change.


Stop doing this! Stop only reaching out to people when it benefits you! People can see right through this. And it is by NO means a way of creating meaningful relationships. If you only want to hang out with someone who can help you advance your career, or get you the hook up at a club, they probably can see through you! And that’s probably why you don’t have too many “real” friends, just saying. I had an ex who was like this, and I couldn’t stand it! Everyone saw past him. Everyone sees past him to this day. Poor kid.


Seriously, who gives a crap? I count my lucky stars every day that god helped me remove toxic relationships from my life! Your ex is probably not good for you, but I mean I can only speak for all of my ex’s, not yours.. so I take that back, ha! So don’t worry about what they are doing. You don’t want to be with them anyways. And don’t make fun of the person that they are dating or stalk them on social media, not everyone can be as pretty and amazing as you, we know this! (hehe), so don’t compare! They might be a nice person, think of it as better them than you dealing with that person! That’s how I always look at my previous relationships. And no joke, I have an ex’s current girlfriend who accidently “liked” one of my pictures from about a year ago, while stalking me on IG! LOL! (hey it was a pretty good pic though!) Move on with ya life hunnie!


Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one! Don’t let your friends opinions affect your life too much. For example, when it comes to relationships, you are the person dating your significant other, not your friends. So unless 99% of your friends dislike your boyfriend or girlfriend, it shouldn’t matter.


If you don’t want to go to someone’s party, don’t go! If you don’t want to hang out with someone, don’t hang out with them! Don’t just do things because you feel bad, when in reality, you don’t want to engage in these activities in the first place.


There will always be someone who’s smarter, than you, prettier than you, more educated than you, has a better job than you, but they aren’t you! Don’t get caught up in jealousy and envy. Men complain about women who are envious or jealous of others, and it’s not a good look. Hang out with people that you want to be like! Don’t be jealous or envious of them, use them as role models! Every female that I have in my circle is someone I look up to, and I think that’s how it should be with everyone. We all learn things from different people!


They don’t matter. At all. So, I bought my first extremely overpriced Rolex in December. I was so proud that I was finally kicking ass at work and was able to afford one. News flash, it’s in my closet. Along with all of the other designer bs bags that I paid way too much money for. Material things don’t matter. I wish I never bought that and spent the money traveling the world instead!


They aren’t everything. Don’t just judge a guy or a girl based on looks. What matters is what kind of person they are deep, down inside. I can’t tell you how many amazing guys that I’ve met since my diagnosis who weren’t exactly my “type”, but they had hearts of gold, which made them more attractive. Looks fade, your heart and personality is what stays.


Find my book “Talk Cancer To Me” available at amazon here:




  1. Michelle Baumgarten says:

    Beautiful Jes!

  2. Well said. Live for the moment. I had lukiema. Will gladly share this. Thank you.😊

  3. I like what you guys are up too. Such intelligent work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my website 🙂

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