04 May, 16

Friends vs. Foes


One of the hardest things that you go through when you have Cancer is realizing who cares about you and who doesn’t and never did. Who is a good, genuine person, and who is not. At the beginning, people that you think would be part of your journey, are nowhere to be found. At first, you might become angered by this, but with time, your “cancer brain” I like to call it, comes into effect and you just don’t care. At all. It doesn’t even phase you. I’m sure EVERY single cancer patient and survivor can relate to this. I’m 4 months into my journey, and nothing phases me anymore, nothing at all. Once I realized that behavior like this is more about those people, and not me, I became free. “The best advice I can give you when dealing with me, is catch me while I care.” Sorry, but you’re SOL now, cancer has helped me truly not care. I am writing this post, because I feel like this is one of the top things that cancer patients complain about.

The most dangerous people that you have to have your guard up around, are the people that creep up out of nowhere with extremely insincere messages, once they realize how well you’re doing with handling your situation, and want to become a part of the outcome, not the process. Sorry, but where were you when my hair was falling out and I was so sick that I couldn’t walk? Or was having a breakdown when my cancer took a turn in an unexpected direction? Your cancer brain will allow you to spot these people real quick. True story, I had someone who came to visit me once in the hospital (no joke, sat there and didn’t even say one word, clearly didn’t want to be there at all. Why did you even bother coming? To check it off the list clearly) I haven’t heard from this person at all, we will call this person, “Person X”, only a few beyond insincere messages here and there. Once Person X saw how well I’m doing with handling my situation, and am an inspiration to others, Person X appeared out of guilt, to make himself feel better about not being there during the process. But..person X doesn’t want to hear about the reality of cancer, the relapsing, the horrible side effects of not being able to walk without face planting, and so forth. Person X will only reach out or reply out of convenience, or if it benefits him or her in some way, and to check this off the “so I don’t feel guilty” box. Real talk, if you have to convince and tell the cancer patient that you are only reaching out to them because you think it’s the “right thing to do”, you clearly never learned “right” from wrong, and just want to check this off of the list. Take a seat with that.

All cancer patients have multiple Person X’s in their life. The best advice that I can give you is send them love and light, and when they try to enter your life, run like hell! Run as fast as you can. Or, if you have foot drop like I do, speed walk! Ha! But for real, like I said in my previous post, this type of behavior isn’t about you, it’s about THEM. A lot of the time, people do things out of guilt because they know that what they did is wrong. Or they do nothing at all, both of these examples have nothing to do with you. I think Cancer is great in this aspect, because it really helps you filter the bad people out of your life. I have such a solid group of friends that have saved me during this journey. I only have good, genuine people in my circle. That’s it. And to those reading this who don’t have cancer, but know someone that does..a simple “how are you doing?” Goes a LONG way.

Find my book “Talk Cancer To Me” available at amazon here:

  1. Yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a bad conclusion outstanding post! .

  2. Melisande Lourdes Balleste says:

    Very close to home. I remember reading this in your book. Concern about posting this but what the hell is true. I have people who have known me for for 10 years and less contact me than those who know me longer. Those who have known me longer. I can count with my hand.

Leave a Reply