24 Oct, 16

Dating & Cancer


So, one of the most common questions people ask me involves dating and cancer. If you were just diagnosed with cancer, you’re probably freaking the f*ck out and thinking “oh my god, no one is going to ever want to date me again!”. Here is my experience. I did the same thing. The same exact thing. I literally cried to my friend Kristin for days at first. I cried to every single guy friend that I have. I cried to my mom (until she told me to STFU and stop complaining because I could be dead but I’m alive). I pretty much cried to everyone. I’m living proof that GOOD guys really don’t care if you have cancer. They really don’t. I fell for one of my doctors in the ICU, he knew actually more about me and my prognosis, than I knew myself. And at that time, I was stage 4, so we really didn’t know what was going to happen and if I was going to be sent to transplant. Cancer ends up being a blessing in disguise in the dating aspect, and shows you that good guys do exist. Dr. X didn’t care that I had cancer. He would still come over, help me walk my dog, visit me at chemo while I was getting pumped with poison, and help me during my emotional breakdowns. He was the sweetest guy I’ve met. But, when you’re going through chemo though, you’re not all emotionally there. Your world is falling apart, and your main focus is on putting one foot in front of the other and getting through the day. You’re so focused on getting better, that it’s really difficult to dedicate time to someone else, in my opinion. Unfortunately, a lot of guys won’t really understand what you’re going through either. Even if they are doctors. For me, I wanted to get through cancer myself. I didn’t want to have to rely on someone else to pick up my broken pieces. Because like they say, if you can do cancer, you can do anything. At the end of the day, it made me a much stronger, better person. And I wouldn’t change that for anything. I now know how to be whole on my own, without ever being defined by another person.

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After my Dr.X saga, I did try to live as normal of a life as possible, so I would go out with my friends often, and just wouldn’t drink. NO ONE knew that I had cancer (the nurses didn’t call me lymphoma Barbie for nothing!) so pretty much I would go out, and guys would hit on me and I would straight up tell them that I was going through chemo. I went on dates. None of these guys cared. I think maybe one cared, but honestly it helps you weed out the douche bags. If someone cares that you’re going through chemo, you don’t want to be with them anyways, which is why it’s such a blessing in disguise. Imagine dating someone for years and then getting diagnosed with cancer and having the guy just peace out? Exactly. It helps you weed out the losers.

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So how do things change with dating after you’re in remission? You literally just don’t give a sh*t, about anything. When you’ve almost died, you don’t take a minute of your day for granted. Ever. Things are just different now. You’re not the same person that you once were. I know how short life is, and I’m much more relaxed about things. Like the things that some of my girlfriends argue with about guys that they are dating, I can’t even fathom being upset about. I think life is so short, and the one thing that I’ve learned is that dating is supposed to be fun, and the other person is supposed to make you a BETTER person, and you should want to do the same for that person. Life is too short for drama, to be petty, fight, freak out over a girl liking or commenting on your boyfriend’s picture, be jealous, freak out over the person your dating going out with his friends, etc. Life is also too short to worry about where you stand with someone, so if you’re not really sure, you should probably stop standing and start walking.

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I went very public with my journey, so a lot of the guys that I know, they know what I’ve been through. They don’t care. But, when I meet someone for the first time (you literally can’t tell I was ever even sick), I like to mess with them and not say anything at all. Eventually they will realize it if they stalk me down on IG or google my name. I think it’s your business and it’s up to you if and when you decide to tell someone you had cancer. Another blessing about cancer, I usually won’t bring it up and let them find out on their own. It helps you weed out the losers! You get to bypass all of the bullshit, and it also helps you choose better guys. How someone reacts to you having cancer exposes that person’s character immediately. So far in my experience, no one has cared. In fact, I think a lot of guys admire a girl that can go through hell for so long, and still smile. It gives you an edge over the average girl who’s sitting on Instagram freaking out about which girl is liking photos on a picture. So in summary, use cancer to your advantage. You get to find out if a guy is a dick immediately, and don’t have to wait months later like the average female.

 

Find my book “Talk Cancer To Me” available at amazon here:

  1. Melisande L. Balleste says:

    Ballet meli here thank you so much for your honesty. I can only hope one day to have that same luck. I only say something upon being ask , but I keep it short not to ruin the social event.

  2. Annalise says:

    At 17 being diagnosed with stage 4 hodgkins I too understand what it’s like. It was the start of year 12 and throughout the year everyone’s getting with each other..I preferred to stay back but you have convinced me to not give a damn and just do it! THANKYOU! It’s now nearly two years later I’m 19 in remission and ready for uni in March, bring on the boys 😍

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